This Tooth Shall Not Pass

• February 23, 2015
• Travel

As much as I love to travel I’m not going to sit here in my kitchen/living room/office and pretend it doesn’t have its pangs and perplexities.  It’s moments when you look to the “friendly skies” and wonder what was I thinking?  Don’t need to spend 17 hours of my life in an airport.  Don’t need to get yelled at by a flight attendant;  “I said turn your phone ALL the way off sir.”  Getting frisked by a large man in uniform…not my idea of a holiday in the sun.

Everyone’s tense.  Everyone’s in a hurry.  Some are yelling or coughing or just have a thick Italian accent,  hard to tell.  Traveling can feel like a perpetual trip to Costco during Christmas with a neck pillow. 

The best worst:

• I was once held at airport security because they thought my name was similar to someone on the no-fly list.  Really,  because normally it resembles the name of restaurants that serve Chicken Parmesan.  Once they realized their mistake, they let me go just in time to run on the plane moments before take off.  Nothing like having a plane full of people stare you down row by awkward row.  I’m guessing John Smith never has this problem.  

It’s a game of risks verses rewards and I’m a firm believer the latter wins.   The woes are part of the adventure and I’m not going to let them limit my experiences.  Just watch where you put that wand buddy.

I can just imagine sitting in the afterlife comparing notes with early settlers.  Oh really,  you had to wait for a plane that flew you in the air at high speeds?  Sounds rough,  I had to walk from Kansas to California when my wagon was destroyed and by the time I arrived my new nickname was Limpy.

I’ve fully acclimated to modern modes of transportation and I’ll fall into complacency with the best of ’em.  It’s ok,  we’ll  get to one-up the person from the year 2215 who’s grumbling about the time their teleportation device had a glitch and was delayed a nanosecond.

Our trip to New Zealand was smooth,  but I did inadvertently learn what to do in a dental emergency overseas.

The following is a lame pictorial reenactment of the events that took place on Valentine’s Day eve  (#sorryhoney)

 

 

So we were sitting there enjoying the view of downtown Auckland eating a croissant,  of all things,  when suddenly my one and only crown  (rest in peace)  split in half.  It was as if Gandalf himself struck my faux enamel with his staff and rocked Middle Earth.  Despite that dramatic analogy it didn’t hurt but had to be dealt with at a very unfortunate hour and location:  thousands of miles from home on a Friday night at 5:30pm.

Bad combo.

So what do you do when you break a tooth overseas?  We sure didn’t know.  So we went to the only place we knew would have the answer: the pharmacy across the street.  They sell hard candy right next to tooth brushes, certainly they know a dentist.

It was three doors down.

So we walk up the stairs to the dentist office.  The door is open and we hear someone slapping a bass guitar.  Coolest.  Dentist.  Ever.  We walk into the reception area and hear what sounds like a New Zealand folk jam session in progress from one of the exam rooms.  I ring the long hand style call bell that says, “ring me.”  The bass stops mid chop and a guy with tattered long grey hair and graphic t-shirt appears.

It’s at this point I begin to scan the room for framed credentials.

 

“Are you after the dentist?” he says.  (Say it in New Zealand accent for full effect)

“Yes.”  (Say it like you have a broken tooth for full effect)

“He’s gone on for the day.  He won’t be back till’ Monday.”

 

So apparently when the dentist goes home,  the office is used for local band practice.  Didn’t solve the problem,  but if I lived in Auckland she or he would be my dentist out of pure respect for their after-hour values.

After failing to convince Christi I’d be fine for another week with a canyon in my mouth,  we happen to come across an emergency medical number in one of those random free activity magazine thingies they have everywhere.

So,  and this is where the story get’s really bizarre, I used a pay phone.  I know.  Crazy.  They still exist.  I had no idea.  The last time I saw a pay phone it was being smashed off the wall at a movie theater by the same teenager who sold me popcorn.  They just gave the kid a sledge-hammer and said go to it.

The kind voice on the phone set me up with an appointment at an emergency dental clinic for the next day.  She had some convincing to do,  because that’s the day we were supposed to go to The Shire.  I actually heard myself say, ” but tomorrow I’m going to see where Hobbits live.  You know,  Hobbiton.”  She knew Hobbiton.  She also knew that if I left my tooth the way it was I’d be susceptible to a Mount Doom sized infection  ( I’ll stop ).

Day two included a trip to a dental clinic.  Wasn’t in the plan when we were dreaming of New Zealand.  At least there was some hand painted art on the wall to lighten the mood.

 

 

There was no sign of any band practice in the exam room which was disappointing,  but the dentist did manage to secure what was left of my tooth, stressing the word temporary and urging me to shy away from lollies of any sort.  His craftsmanship worked,  and as for Hobbiton….well,  you can take the Hobbit out of the Shire but you can’t take The Shire out o…..that doesn’t really work in this case,  but we made it on our last day:  (Click photos if you don’t want to squint)

 

 

 

How cool would it have been if I could’ve visited a Hobbit dentist…they love their sweets…..I should’ve asked.

 

Bonus Features:

Fun facts about Hobbiton:

• You can only enter by car or bus, not by hairy foot. This should actually be listed under sad facts.
• Peter Jackson secured several different locations for The Shire before he found this one perfect spot on Alexander farm.
• Before filming the Hobbit,  39 Hobbit holes were restored from Lord of the Rings including The Green Dragon and The Mill.
• We were told a story of a visitor who showed up dressed like a Hobbit.  He was a 7-foot tall German.  At the end of the day he didn’t want to leave because he had “found his true home.”  They couldn’t find him for hours until they finally convinced him to go on a journey of his own.  ( How do you lose a 7-foot tall Hobbit? )

Cheers,

A

• Band Practice
• Dentist
• Hobbiton
• Lord of the Rings
• Medical Clinic
• New Zealand
• The Shire
• Travel